On Saturday morning, members of Donald Trump’s legal armada scrambled to put together a press conference to challenge the legitimacy of the election. For the site of their Waterloo, they chose a landscaping business in Philadelphia that rested on an industrial road next to an erotic book shop that hosts “Dildo Madness” sales and whose proprietors have taken a decidedly negative assessment of water-based lube.
For a moment, Four Seasons Total Landscaping and the nearby Fantasy Island Adult Bookstore, which one Yelp reviewer called “a creepy place,” were a punchline. And then they were a metaphor. Until, as the minutes ticked on, they grabbed their bizarro place in the history books.
For it was there that the team Trump put together to turn the tides of the election—Rudy Giuliani, Pam Bondi, and Corey Lewandowksi—stood when the call came down. Joe Biden was deemed president-elect, putting an end to days of waiting and ballot counting on top of the months of campaigning that preceded it.
Trump’s team—hardly an A-list of legal stalwarts—brushed it aside with a mix of shrugs, clenched fists, and a forced determination to flood the courts with their complaints. Speaking over the distant, dulcet tones of “Sweet Child of Mine,” a teal-painted wall and garage door adorned with Trump-Pence signs as their backdrop, Giuliani claimed that the election in Pennsylvania and other states was marred by fraud.
At one point, he put out his arms and stared up to the sky,…